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this emoji is called the “balls please” emoji
🫴
“balls, please.”
here’s the ios emoji if anyone doesn’t have it on their platform btw
hmm
does anmyone know where i cna get microsoft teams please
(via dimitri-pikachu)
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if i was a court jester i’d flirt with the king at any given opportunity. subtle at first but if he was interested and we’d share banter then i’d sit in his lap. then he would say i’m the funniest silliest little man alive and kiss me with tongue
how could he NOT fall in love with me though like i am literally there making him giggle, daily. a grown man covered in gold and he is just laughing at my stupid little jokes. i have that bastard wrapped around my finger. He knows it
all part of the plan
(via mysticbaconslice)
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ohoho this things looks interesting i will go and have a look! *sniffsnifsniff* *gets flashbanged*
(via thatsthat24)
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that reminds me of a couple years ago when my dumbass stupid bee post was going around and someone was trying to argue w me abt how unethical beekeeping for honey was so i was like “ahaha what? i don’t beekeep for the honey i throw that nasty goop out! i eat the bees. crunchy” and i thought they were going to try and kill me in real life
OP I want you to know that you are a hero.
(via mysticbaconslice)
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*dual wielding my new wizard staves*
One casts poison the other also casts poison
but green
(via dimitri-pikachu)
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“Babe are going to bed? How did you get under there???”
“Mreh!” >:(
“Oh, I’m sorry! G’night!”
(via parakeet)
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tumblr bitch: liking creepypasta makes you a freak!
me: **growls really hard**
jeff: its ok theyre just jealous babe…
me: i know jeff, i know
slendy: **slaps my fat juicy ass**
me: NOT NOW SLENDY JEFF AND I ARE HAVING A MOMENT
slendy: youre so boring **murders a whole family**
me: **sighs**
police: **en route**
jeff: **the killer**
(via parakeet)
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In retrospect I’d like to now declare this the funniest fucking Tweet of all time
Whatever helps him sleep at night; I guess ?😂
(via parakeet)
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so glad we’re bringing back 2012 tumblr, i missed logging on and within five minutes seeing +99 on the homepage and feeling like each refresh was a bat to the fucking skull
(via parakeet)
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[STRIKES MY WIZARD STAFF ON THE GROUND AND IMMEDEATELY DUCKS BEHIND A ROCK]
[THERES A FLASH OF LIGHT AND THE RITUAL CHAMBER IS COVERED IN SPAGHETTI]
[I OPEN MY GRIMOIRE AND MAKE ANOTHER TALLY UNDER THE COLUMN LABELLED “SPAGHETTI”]
[THE OTHER COLUMN IS MARKED “SUMERIAN HARVEST GOD” AND IS COMPLETELY BLANK]
[I NOD GRAVELY REVERSE THE STAFF AND TRY AGAIN]
[ITS PESTO SAUCE THIS TIME]
[I START A NEW COLUMN IN THE GRIMOIRE]
(via dimitri-pikachu)
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reblogging your own selfie
why is his name white he’s purple
his name is redd white and he runs a company named bluecorp we dont ask questions here
if you mix redd white and bluecorp together like paint you’d get a light purple or pink depending on ratios. we’re just not on his level. we never will be.
His hair is purple which is red and blue
His suit is pink which is red and white
And his jewels are light blue which is blue and white.
his shirt is beige there’s something going on
he’s a murderer also I think that’s worth mentioning
that’s not important right now
(via dimitri-pikachu)
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I think a really remarkable but under appreciated thing about ant-mimic jumping spiders is that very few of them do it to prey on ants.
Instead they do it because there are still a lot of things that will eat a spider, but won’t dare incite the wrath of an ant colony. Ants are so scary in their world that venomous, leaping predators hide among them for their own protection.
I guess this is as much a cool ant fact as a cool spider fact.(via stereofeathers)
